I hate business meetings. And why I have to go to them.

Saturday night my homegroup had a business meeting. I shrugged it off with the “have to get home to my little one” excuse that I use pretty much every month for every homegroup I’ve ever been in.  I don’t like business meetings for a multitude of reasons. One being the time, after I’ve sat through a meeting for an hour I don’t want to sit for longer. I find business meetings bring out personalities and often I just don’t feel like dealing with it. So when my friend looked at me with dismay as I sputtered on about how I didn’t really want to be a member of the group anyway, but I had to have a homegroup, I started to feel bad. I wasn’t being willing. I wasn’t giving myself completely to the program.  I got into a funk about it. So on Sunday I went to another meeting and shared my feelings on business meetings with a man who’s got some more time than I do. He shared that he hates business meetings to, but we have to go because this program saved our lives so what’s another hour or so once a month. He said just go every other month. But to definitely go sometimes. It turned it around for me. I’m not excited for business meetings and may never be, but I’m excited to be young and alive and sober.  I have always said I’ll fight for my chair in AA, so if it means business meetings, I have to do it.  And I'm grateful I’m not the only one who dislikes them.

oy vey

i mailed baked goods again. well the last time i mailed something food-ish it was ice cream. to san francisco. here we go again?

tough, honest, healthy

long day. wow. so i started yoga teacher training. it was not what i expected. or maybe it was. it was overwhelming. and would've been great. had i not been worrying about my parents --who also work all week--using up their spare time to watch my daughter, and that four page paper i have due tomorrow, and all the fun ypaa stuff--ICYPAA!!--i'd be missing out on. and oh, shit, i'm taking math this fall. and oh, shit, i loved yoga but realized quickly yoga teacher training would make me hate yoga. yoga for me is a gift. it helps me. i saw how this training could make it a burden. make it a task. make it something i hate.

so i saw where this would go. less meetings. less aa. less fellowship. and i decided i had to quit. after one day, i quit yoga teacher training. via email. not my proudest moment. but i feel like it was the best decision. i need to be present for my commitments in aa, my family and my education. i made the right choice for me. i know that.

in more news. i'll be at icypaa in st louis. god's will be done.

asana rocked, bracing myself for a new chapter

Thursday night's at Joyful Yoga, I go to a lovely little class called "Rock Your Asana". I feel like I'm getting a cold and was toying with the idea of not going. My mind did not want to go and thought are very powerful things. I made myself go. I think of my yoga practice now as part of my recovery program. Just like the in the AA fellowship I need all three parts of the triangle to keep me sober--Unity, Service and Recovery--yoga to me is just another layer in my recovery now. So I made myself go. And while I physically wasn't feeling as adventurous as I sometimes do, I'm glad I went. I feel better. I just realllllly want my sore throat and runny nose to go away.

I'm also working tonight on knocking out the last class this semester. I have a four page paper due Sunday and I'm a master procrastinator. Right now thought I think I need to just rest and thank my HP for this amazing journey i'm about to embark on.  I realized driving to yoga tonight that 1) I really need to get rid of my SUV because the gas driving 30 min to yoga is ridic and 2) This is the last class where I'll just be an un-enlightened student. I obviously have big plans for what YTT entails. I'm actually terrified, excited, nervous, happy to see what new amazing people are going to be put in my life through this new little journey.

But now bed.

keep trudgin
-b

impending YTT

uhh holy shit. i'm starting yoga teacher training this weekend. and i think i'm getting sick. must zinc/vitamin c it up. so let me reminisce a little about my yoga history.

it started with a boy. who ended up stomping on my heart. but with many things i started for someone else, i stayed with yoga for myself. so this boy was in recovery like myself and mentioned to me how much yoga had helped him. so i thought i would try it...for myself...and to make me look cooler to this boy. (i know it's pathetic, but i'm being honest). so sponsor 1 who ditched for for San Diego had come leftover sessions at a local Iyengar studio. they let me use them up. i went, i fell in love, but craved more. when i went to visit boy in San Francisco, i experienced Vinyasa. holy shit. i fell in love. Vinyasa yoga tired my body out enough to quiet my mind. enter meditation. enter a new dimension of existence. a new dimension of sobriety. and a craving to deepen my practice so that i can someday share this gift with others in recovery. i practiced on and off for the next year or so. my higher power in his always cray ways, put me in tough with my the yoga teacher who will be doing the training. i couldn't really afford training, but she offered me a scholarship. it's truly amazing...trudging this road never ceases to amaze me.

my heart healed and has opened to more love. that boy who introduced me to yoga, i am forever and ever grateful for him. every single person my higher power puts in my path serves a purpose. i am so excited to meet the others i will go through teacher training with. and i can't wait to master inversions.

keep trudging-
xo
-b