not doing this fooo-ever ever

I'm really tired of my job. I guess it's more motivation than ever to finish school and get a job where I can not only ball hard and drive a Range Rover, but also be challenged. I wonder what it's like to have a job you're passionate about.

anyway. weekend was good. this weekend coming up I'm heading the the keys for some secret YPAA ish. not really secret, but I'm excited. will def miss the little though. so i took Monday Funday off and we're heading to Palm Beach to post up at the Breakers or go to the Zoo, shop at Urban and Lulu (goodbye paper, nice know you) and see an old friend. I'm down with moving over there, wherever is not here where I can get a job. that makes that paper.

how many times did i reference paper in this post? too many.

i'm out.

yoga as a resentment cure?

Yesterday it was cemented into my being a little more how yoga is vital to my continued sobriety and spiritual well being. I was is a funk. I had snapped at my 4 year old for emptying an entire new tube of my favorite Origins face wash down the tub while I was trying to sneak a 5 minute phone call with my sponsor—I only made it to minute 2 and really should’ve “paused when agitated.” So I had the emotional mommy hangover and was also dealing with residual effects of having a very sick newcomer in my life. I am very susceptible to soaking up the energy of people around me and the energy I had been around was very dark. Needless to say, I wanted to go home and wallow in self-pity, build my resentment towards her, and isolate. I did not want to go to yoga. I think of yoga a lot like meetings, in fact my yoga practice has replaced some of my meetings at this point. I feel it’s equally important. Just like with meetings when I was new, I went when I felt like I needed one and I went when I didn’t want to go. I always felt better after. I apply that to my yoga practice today. So yesterday I went to yoga. I rocked out to upbeat tunes the ride there, and I offered up that person with the dark energy in my practice. By savanasa, my resentment was gone and I was once again filled with love and gratitude for my sobriety and my life today.

FCY fire and everything after...

Sometime in April, I got this weird idea in my head--message from the HP much?-to go to FCYPAA. I was hanging out with a newcomer and she had dabbled in FCY and so I thought it would be fun to go. I never wanted to be a part of FCYPAA or any subsequent YPAA anything before. I took pride in distancing myself from it. "Oh, I don't do FCYPAA" I'd say when anyone in the rooms would ask if I was attending a FCYPAA sponsored event. I see now I was doing what made me fail for many years in the rooms...I thought I was different. Certainly I met the "young person" requirement. I got sober at 24. So long story short, my HP gave me a message to go to FCYPAA, to shake my program up a little (I thought) and so I joined the committee after my buddy convinced me they needed me.

Even after being on the committee, I had no idea really what I was doing. What the f$#@ is FCYPAA? Now, I get it. I am alive again. I have filled with the FCY-fire. It sounds SO ridiculous, but it's true. My sponsor gets it though. She went to San Antonio and she totally get's my craziness now. I am in love with sobriety and my program all over again.

I drove up with 4 other people in true fcy-fashion. It took us 7 hours to get to a place maybe only 4.5 hours away. We stopped a lot, we laughed, we talked. The car ride up was pretty fun in itself. We got there and the bid table where everyone gathered was where it started to click for me. I had my a-ha moment Saturday night at the dance. I really don't think there are words to do the magic of FCYPAA or any YPAA event. I kick myself hourly for not attending ICYPAA when I was in San Francisco last year.

Then theres a bigger issue. Yeah I got the raise to stay at my job til the end of the year, but had I moved, I never would've gone to FCYPAA, maybe I never would've gone to any YPAA event. This experience further ingrained in my brain that my HP has a plan for me. The best news ever? My city won the bid, so now I'll get to be on a host committee...those plans for moving cross country may get pushed back again.  I can't imagine not seeing this through.

Other cool news? I'm starting yoga teacher training in August!! Amazing wonderful gifts of sobriety. okay, you can go vomit on my mad love for everything now. 

XOm-
B